DoS jokes
Last night I burned down an orphanage.
There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
Where do you find the best comedians?
In the funny farm!
What do crows get after they buy a phone?
A cawing card.
What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?
•Terminal
What do you call a cat 🐈 that is glued down? A big cluck.
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
What do you get when you are hungry? A dog to eat.
What do you call a burger 🍔 with one eye?
A one giant.
Q: What kind of Christmas music do elves like?
A: “Wrap” music.
What do you call a cow with no toes?
Lac-toes intolerant.
What do you call a cow that doesn't stop shaking?
A milkshake.
What animal do you always find at a baseball game? A bat.
What do chickens play in the pool? Marco Polo.
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbor's house.
Police: Where is your neighbor's house?
Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.
Police: Tell me.
Me: Next to my house.
Police: *Arrests me*
Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”
What do you call a nosy pepper?
Jalapeno.
What do you call funny waves? Wave Chappelle.
Chuck Norris trained Dude Perfect how to do it.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
Ten-tickles.
What do you call Anne born in May? A Maybe.