DoS jokes
So I was doing a project in my class and my teacher asked me to give an example of allusion, which is referencing something else with a word.
So I answered, “Jane 9/11ed her little sister's Jenga kit!”
The principal's office smells nice.
Stick your head up someone's butt. What do you get? A Butthead!
"Get your butt out of my face!"
"Then get your face out of my butt!!!"
What do you call a Jedi teacher who lives in a forest?
Obi-Wan Canopy
Why did Steven Hawking only tell one-liners?
Because he couldn't do standup.
What do you call a taco in bed?
Es(tá co)stado.
What do gasses and asses have in common? They both have asses in them!
There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.
The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"
A couple and their friends were riding their tricycle, and one wheel fell off. They discussed what to do, and finally the friend said, "Why don't you just use me?" The boyfriend said, "Why did I not think of using the third wheel?"
I was gonna do a school shooter joke, but it was aimed at younger audiences.
Teacher: Where were you born?
Student: The highway.
Teacher: What do you mean?
Student: I don't know, my mom says that's where all the accidents happen.
Why do they call priests "father?" Because it's too suspicious to call him "daddy!"
Why do melons always have big weddings?
Because they cantaloupe!
What do you call chill legumes?
Hippeas.
What do you get when you cross a rooster with a small dog?
A Cock-a-POODLE-Doo!
What do you get when you cross a rooster with a small dog?
What do you call a bunch of sheep rolling down the hill?
A. A lamb slide.
What do cannibals call pregnant women? A kinder surprise.
What do you get when the queen farts a noble gas?
What do you get when a dino farts? A blast from the past.
Why are ninja farts so dangerous? They are silent but deadly.
How do stars die? Usually a overdose in an airport.
What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law?
A small medium at large.