DoS jokes
Bf: Hey, what ya doing?
Gf: Just lying in bed.
Bf: Just lying in bed?
Gf: And eating cereal.
Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?
Gf: Eat my cereal.
Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.
Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.
Warning: if you don't like gummy bears, DO NOT READ.
Q: What do you call a Mexican gummy bear?
A: Delici-Oso
Brother: Your nuts!
Sister: What do you mean? You're the one that has the nuts!
Why do G-Unit and C-Unit stand for? Gorilla unit and chimpanzee unit.
Where do gorillas get all the "pussy" from? The strip club, which is called "Poker Kong Night."
What do you say when the toilet is clogged?
Oh shit!
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
The suicide squad.
What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
Thumb nails.
Why do planets circle the sun?
'Cause they like the game of ring-around-the-rosy.
Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?
'Cause it's a car-PET.
What do you call a group of black people?
A hoodie.
What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toed.
You: Find a time clock that can change time.
Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?
You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!
Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.
What mountain do people like to race on?
Mount Rushmore.
Get it?
What do you call me?
Chinese?
Why do orphans not like the movie Frozen?
Because for them, love isn't an open door.
Son: Mom, can I get $100 for a week?
Mom: Why do you need $100 for a week?
Son: I'm going on a date, and I need $100 for a week, please.
Mom: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go on your date now. You got $1, so go.
Son: And you got $0.00.
How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gas chamber.
What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?
A coward.
What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?
"I'm totally dogging it today..."