DoS jokes
Why can't a Leicester fan pull girls? He can only do the fox trot.
What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.
What do you call a body without a nose?
Nobody knows.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
My cousin: Brother, I lost in a game of Call of Duty: Moe Bill [he was supposed to pronounce it as mobile; however, I left it as it is].
Me: So tell me about it then.
My cousin: I lost to Sum_Baldi.
Me: Somebody? Don’t they have, like, the name of you opponents?
My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Baldi. S.U.M_B.A.L.D.I.
Me: Ok, my bad. Continue.
My cousin: I got Sum_Baldi, and 5 seconds later, I got kill[ed] by Sum_Fing_Wong.
Me: It’s not wrong! In Call of Duty, you are suppose to kill or be killed.
My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Fing_Wong. S.U.M_F.I.N.G_W.O.N.G.
Me: My bad again. Do continue.
My cousin: I got so angry I blow[ed] up.
Me: So you got blowed up, by what weapon?
My cousin: By the game.
Me: [was not expecting that for an answer]
What do you name a family reunion of an orphan?
"Me time."
Why do orphans want to die?
Because they might see their parents in Heaven.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
How do you f**k a duck?
Usually duck a f**k.
How do pedophiles get kids to suck their d**k?
They spray paint it like candy 🍬.
Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?
Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.
Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.
Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.
Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.
Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?
Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?
What do you call a bottle of water flying over Africa?
A UFO.
Do you know Putin?
Put in these balls in your mouth.
Why does an orphan start with an "O"?
Because they only see their parents in their dream.
What do you call Kevin with no beef?
Chicky.
Y'all are so rude on here. If you don't like what I put on MY profile, you can click your rude ass off of my profile and look at some other fucking jokes. DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING RUDE TO SAY ABOUT ME!
(Girl) Do you ever blink?
(Doll) (No reply).
(Girl) You look like a mannequin!
(Doll) (No reply).
I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
... family photo.
What do you call a pregnant slave? Buy one get one free.