DoS jokes
Why do orphans like to have sex?
So they can finally have someone to call "daddy."
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.
What do Madeline McCann and a submarine have in common?
Both are at the bottom of the ocean full of seamen!
What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?
Fur Traders.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
Name something an orphan can't do?
Go cry to their mommy.
Why do orphans go to the market?
To get the milk their parents didn't bring back.
How do you know your acne is getting out of hand? The blind start reading your face.
What do you call James Bond when he’s taking a bath?
Bubble 07.
My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.
Why do gays get bad grades?
They don't get straight A's.
All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.
The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"
The man said, "My wife does!"
Which way do gay men walk?
One Direction.
The Mexican landscaper came to cut our lawn. My mom was happy then asked him, "Can I have some of your burrito?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Whatever."
A few minutes later, my mom told me to cut the lawn. I said, "Why do I have to do it? That's what he's there for." My mom said, "He's going to do the burrito for me." Then I said, "Okay." I finished cutting the lawn and went in the house. I see my mom giving the landscaper a blow job. I said to my mom, "What are you doing?" My mom said, "What does it look like? I'm having my burrito." The landscaper told me that I missed a spot while cutting the lawn.
One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."
The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."
Why can't an orphan have sex?
They have no one to call "daddy."
What do a Family Dollar and an orphan have in common? They both have a "f" in "family."
How often do emos go swimming in a lifetime?
Just once.