What do pimps and farmers have in common?
They both need a hoe to stay in business.
DoS Jokes
Why do orphans go to public schools?
Who's going to homeschool them?
Why do orphans love school so much?
They have no HOMEWORK.
What would you do after seeing your most loved one shot? Reload.
One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.
She asked me, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."
She asked, "What does that mean?"
I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."
What do you call a website that openly encourages racist posts?
What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?
They are both nowhere to be found.
What do feminists and tampons have in common?
They're both stuck-up cunts.
Me: How do cowboys say hello?
Friend: Howdy.
Me: How do deez nuts fit in your mouth?
Me: What are we doing in HPE?
Friend: Fitness.
Me: Fitting deez nuts in your mouth.
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
I say, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
What do Olympic sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast!
Things we all do:
Call the Royal blue tang fish the "Dory fish," and the Clownfish "Nemo fish"! 🤣
I do this too often!
What do you call a dick that doesn't fit in an asshole?
A misfit.
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
What do you call a Chinese man with a camera?
Phill Ming.
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.
Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."
Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."
"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."
Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
A family picture.
