DoS jokes
You: I have a nice hairline.
Your friend: Since when do you have one?
You: I forgot.
How do you fit 3 gay men on a bar stool?
Flip it upside down.
Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"
Me: "To reduce the population by one."
Are you still a virgin?
If you do IT
With no one?
What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.
Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
What do you call a flat-chested emo? A cutting board.
"Do you have a noose?"
"Nose?"
"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."
"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"
"No."
*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*
What do you call a dark, average height Punjabi male?
Josiah.
Yes, I have gained weight. I have also gained more brains. Do you want some? You talk like you definitely need some more.
Do you know what the hardest part of school is?
Do you know what organ remains warm even after a woman dies?
My penis (or rather my neutron laser priming its firing sequence).
What do you get when you mix a white guy and a fire?
A firecracker.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot Wheels.
Why do most guns in America have an average mag/clip size of only 30?
Because that's the average class size in America.
How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.
What do you call an autistic kid going down the stairs in a wheelchair?
Hot Wheels!
Why do orphan kids never eat homemade food? Because they don’t even have one!
Why are Americans bad at Clash of Royals?
Because they have already lost two towers!
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."