Do jokes
So, my sister is a feminist. I asked her, "Do you want to hear a rape joke?" She said no. I still decided to force one down her throat anyway.
What do you call a squad of emo kids?
Suicide Squad.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
El, if I know.
Why do you always high five the emo person? 'Cause you can't just leave them hanging.
Why do orphans never get a car?
Because their parents need to buy them one.
Why do cannibals love sex? They can make their own food.
How do you turn a Chinese person into an American? Put a bag of ice on their eyes.
Your sister is so stupid, when she saw Mountain Dew, she went to the top of a mountain to get it.
What do you call a door? A floor.
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"?
Why do orphans hate Cocomelon?
Because the parents are in every episode.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
COP: Are you high?
ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*
COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.
Me: Do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?
Bank teller: [eyes wide] Uhhhhh...
Me: *scratches head with gun* Man, I hate it when this happens.
"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"
What do you call security guards working outside of Samsung shops?
Guardians of the Galaxy. 🌌
What do you get when you cross a Jamaican with a ginger?
A gingerbread man.
What language do billboards speak?
Sign language.
Why do orphans hate plane rides?
Because there’s no home to come back to.
What do you call a united cow?
United Steaks.