Die jokes
Why did the orphan cry? Because he was an orphan and he watched his parents die.
Why did Bob Ross die?
Because the paint brush stabbed him.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his carer lost his charger.
Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,
but died on the cross.
Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!
Too bad it's a dying trade. :)
I told my grampa hello, and I said, "Hope you die!" hahahhhhahahahahahhahahahhahaha
I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.
Why did the orphan die on the road? Because they had no one to hold their hand.
Are you with Alex?
Fucking retarded. Go dig a home die, people!
Q: What's the difference between a prison and a concentration camp?
A: At least you don't die when you shower.
Tell your adopted kid you want to take them back home and tell them their original parents want them, and get them all excited, then take them to the orphanage and tell them their parents died.
Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.
I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
A tortoise was in a dry pool along with some geese. The tortoise said that they could carry him to a fresh pool. Then the geese flew through the air holding the tortoise. The tortoise was about to say something, but fell and died.
I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.
Why did the orphan die?
He killed himself because the lack of a support system made him depressed.
Where are people sent to die?
Ross Hall academy.
Yo mama's so stupid, she frickin' died at the Super Bowl!
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”