Die jokes
Why do people not adhere to the corona measures?
Because they hate their lives and want to die.
In a thick Russian accent:
"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."
Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.
Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
The man who invented Velcro died.
RIP.
Why didn't the child go to school?
Because he died of a heroin overdose.
If the US ate chicken, it would die.
What's the difference between an abortion and a baby girl in China? Nothing, they both die.
I should probably stop making jokes about 9/11.
My dad died to it, he was a great pilot.
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
What's the best thing about a prostitute dying on you during sex?
The second hour is free.
My uncle died in 9/11. He was a pilot.
I read the joke "what we breathe is called oxygen, that is African food" to my African friend, but he is breathing in tears from his mother dying of hunger...
Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"
All you pro-life Christian motherfuckers can go die, lol.
Why did the Twin Towers die? Because they had too many plane pizzas.
Would you rather listen to Justin Bieber or die in the slowest and most painful way possible?
They're the same thing.
I wish we could implant all parts because I could have used some car parts from Stephen Hawking after he died.
I asked the emo at my school if he got jealous when his phone died.
I got jealous when my phone died.