Die jokes

My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.

That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Note to all.

My name is Lariah. Lariah Carla Brown, 14 years old and I am 1 of triplets. I don't understand how rape jokes are funny, and I just want to make that statement clear. I also hate orphan jokes because I WAS one. Notice when I put WAS! I also see jokes about cancer, now I know you can't be kidding. You know that cancer is a disease that many people get and could die from, so you are just wrong about that!

Jack and Jill went up my ass to eat a big dildo, but Jack died cause he got hit by a brown thing.

You're an orphan and blind. You have cancer. You will die in 3 days. Merry Xmas!

These jokes make me want to die.

Why do people not adhere to the corona measures?

Because they hate their lives and want to die.

In a thick Russian accent:

"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."

Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.

Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.

I asked the emo at my school if he got jealous when his phone died.

I got jealous when my phone died.

Would you rather listen to Justin Bieber or die in the slowest and most painful way possible?

They're the same thing.

You know why you never wanna fly with an orphan?

'Cause then they know they won't die alone.

Why did the Twin Towers die? Because they had too many plane pizzas.

What do you call a blind person driving a car?

Died.

My uncle died on 9/11. Her last words were "Allahu Akbar."

Which way is quicker to die? Noose or slitting my throat?

Bro, if I die, I want to die blown up by 34 pounds of C4 at a furry convention.

Whoever says a joke "is not a joke" should go commit bye die.

All you pro-life Christian motherfuckers can go die, lol.

I swear bro, this time I don't want any jokes on 9/11. Like people actually died, like that shit is just plane wrong. 💀