Die jokes
My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.
That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Note to all.
My name is Lariah. Lariah Carla Brown, 14 years old and I am 1 of triplets. I don't understand how rape jokes are funny, and I just want to make that statement clear. I also hate orphan jokes because I WAS one. Notice when I put WAS! I also see jokes about cancer, now I know you can't be kidding. You know that cancer is a disease that many people get and could die from, so you are just wrong about that!
These jokes make me want to die.
Jack and Jill went up my ass to eat a big dildo, but Jack died cause he got hit by a brown thing.
You're an orphan and blind. You have cancer. You will die in 3 days. Merry Xmas!
Why do people not adhere to the corona measures?
Because they hate their lives and want to die.
In a thick Russian accent:
"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."
Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.
Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.
If the US ate chicken, it would die.
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
The man who invented Velcro died.
RIP.
What's the best thing about a prostitute dying on you during sex?
The second hour is free.
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
Why didn't the child go to school?
Because he died of a heroin overdose.
Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"
I’m going to be scared of diesel.
Yo mama is so huge, when she was born everyone died.
I love dccfffghyyhh.
Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?
Sanity to live: I don't know?
Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!
Sanity to live? *dies*
Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.
Sanity to live: *resurrected*
Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...
(sponsored by jumping bridges)
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Someone pulled his ethernet cable (he died of a blue screen)!