• Would you rather get $1,000,000 everyday or get $1,000 for every second for each day

  • MY SISTER WAS MAKING RAMEN FOR ME AND SHE FORGOT TO PUT WATER IN AND SHE MELTED THE BOWL AND MY HOUSE SMELLS LIKE BURNT PLASTIC AND RANDOM PERFUMES!!!!

    HELP!!!!!!!!

  • My sister told me that my girlfriend was no good I asked why since sheโ€™s been over in are house she has been acting weird around my boyfriend I Asked isnโ€™t you boyfriend in college I said my girlfriend is only in 7th grade I say he would be dating a minor. My sister said oh ya I was one telling you that because you girlfriend is just not good. I told good to slow with. Then I walked out of the room. True story

  • I wanna rip out my intestines throw them in sea, I want to raise some money to invest in plastic surgery. I want to cover myself head to toe and super sexy scars, cuz I mean aren't you supposed to burn if you're a star?

  • Dating a striper is like eating a bag of chips in class.

    Everyone looks at you in disgust. But deep down inside they want some too.