Valentine's Blues and Personal Struggles

I'm gonna cry i don't have a valentine to spend today with I don't think my crush actually likes me lmao i spilled my drink all over my shirt its hard to breathe i spilled my friends cereal and i feel bad i dont really think my friends like me (IRL) im gaining more weight my mother hasnt told me that shes proud of me, once. every time my parents fight its about me or money im constantly being made fun of im always asked, like, "what's wrong with you?" or "why can't you just be a normal kid?" and I've been breaking myself for my parents, and the people around me, my crush, my friends, relatives, my great-grandfather passed and I've been trying to hold up. i haven't dated someone is forever, and i feel that no one actually loves me i get the blame put on me for everything and sometimes i do not want to be alive