Celibacy jokes
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."
Why is a nun called a nun?
'Cause they ain't supposed to get none ;)
My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"
Why can't orphans convert to Catholicism?
Because Catholics believe in no sex before marriage.
Why can orphans convert to Catholicism? Because Catholics believe in no sex before marriage.
A young couple gets banned from church.
There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.
After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.
"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."
"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"
"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."
Why is sucking cock inside the confessional booth the only thing that a catholic priest doesn't have to give up for lent?
Because catholic priests don't have to be vegetarians during lent.
Dean's sex life.
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?