Cash Register jokes
"Stephen Hawking was talking about a cash register at Costco when he said I can鈥檛 stand these people. 馃槼馃槼馃槼馃槼馃槼馃槼 What did he saaaaaaayyyyyyy?"
All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.
A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka, the guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him, he would tell him everything as he鈥檚 not sober.
Bartender: Hey, that鈥檚 some nice jewellery you have there. It must be expensive.
Guy: Yeah, this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It cost me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain, eh?
Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What do you do for a living?
Guy: I take cash from the bank and don鈥檛 give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.
Bartender: What? If that鈥檚 the case, then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer? You鈥檙e a hypocrite, that鈥檚 what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.
Guy: Hypocrite? You鈥檙e right. I'm living with double standards to justify my actions.
(5 seconds later)
Guy: Aye, open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
An old lady in the bank told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I know I'm valuable, I come with a barcode ;)
What happened when the emo went through the self-checkout?
Two beeps went off.