Carbon Monoxide jokes

I hate these double standards.

If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job". If you do it at home you're "destroying evidence".

Why did the noble gas cry?

Because all his friends Argon.

What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?

One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.

Why did Hitler kill himself?

His gas bill was too high.

I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is £1,000."

But that's not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.