Both jokes
Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?
Because if they slept with both legs up, they would fall over!
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
What do you call a knight that has one arm? A first battle night.
What do you call a knight that lost both arms? A two battle useless knight.
What's the difference between cars and grass?
They both have wheels, except for the grass.
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).
My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.
Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.
Max Heart and his gay cousin Nickals Amoto say I back out of a fight. When he said let's fight, then last minute he said he doesn't want to, then says I chickened out. I [was] ready to fight, but his gut [was] swollen [and] his arms [were]. He actually looks like Humpty Dumpty, but [I] just wanted to say he backed out + Max and Nickals are both gay with each other.
Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says, "I have some good news and bad news."
So the patient says, "What is the bad news?" the Doctor replies, "I have had to amputate both your legs." So the patient says, "Well, what is the good news?" The Doctor replies, "I have found someone to buy your slippers."
I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?
Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.
Q: There were two tampons walking down the road the other day. Guess what they said to each other?
A: Nothing, 'cause they're both stuck-up cunts.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them, but the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.
The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, “Shove it up your butt, if you laugh we kill you.” So, he shoves the peach up his butt and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native Americans kill him. They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, “I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?” The second guy says, “Oh yea, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”
What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her?
They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"
I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.
Both man and woman have balls, but they like to play with the ball of each other because a person always loves what they don't have. 😁
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
No?
They both got six months.
What’s the relationship between a pedophile and a light bulb? They're both meant for dark rooms.
What do emos and apples have in common?
They both hang on trees.