I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where I should put my pants. "Next to mine" was not the answer I was expecting.
When your crush walks in class but you're homeschooled...
"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."
"What was your first impression on him?"
"I told him, she calls me daddy too."
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.
That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.
I would make a joke about your sister, but she banged me.
My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.
Justin: Hey.
Josh: Hey man.
Justin: Why only "man"?
Josh: It feels weird saying the r a c e y names.
Justin: I don't mind.
Josh: Okay, S L A V E.
Justin: Oh no, not T H A T one!
When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.
He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"
They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.
My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.
