Are jokes

Emo people are like other emo people, they're emo. Laugh now or I'll cut your eyes out. Tee hee!

Little Johnny: Dad, why are you rubbing the horse's chest and butt?

Dad: I want to see if it's good enough to buy.

Little Johnny: I think Uncle Joe wants to buy Mom.

Two muffins are in an oven.

One says, "Man, it is hot in here!"

The other one says, "OMG, a talking muffin!"

I saw a kid sitting on the curb and I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" "You're parents did."

My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."

When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."

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  • A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. “There are no fish under the ice!”

    He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. Again, he hears the booming voice: “There are no fish under the ice!”

    He nervously looks up and asks, “Lord? Is that you?”

    “No, this is the rink manager!”

    What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?

    Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

    Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!

    Fun fact: Pringles are named Pringles because somebody decided to name them Pringles.

    I burned an orphan's hand and then they said, "You will pay for this."

    Me: "What are you going to do? Tell your parents?"