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I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.

The wheels on the bus go round and round!

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    • It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.

    And the winner of the Tour de France is awarded, as ever, with the yellow jersey.

    To remind him what color his piss is meant to be.

    Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.

    An emo and a leaf fall from a tree, which hits the ground first?

    The leaf, because the emo got caught by the rope.

    You know how you mine and craft in Minecraft, and you chat in VR in VR Chat, but what do you do in Alabama?

    A man comes into the pharmacy to get a flu shot. The pharmacy nurse prepares one of the shots. The man gets the shot, and the nurse cleans the shot area.

    The next day, the man comes back and gets another shot. Before he paid, the nurse said, “Don’t you realize if you get another shot you may die from overdose?” The man said, “Don’t you realize if you don’t shut up I’ll give you a shot of lead?” The nurse got scared and quit her job.

    The nurse was relaxing, looking for a vacation to book, when all of a sudden she hears an odd noise. It sounds like someone cocking a gun. The man was hiding behind the nurses bushes. “In return for you giving me shots, here are yours,” said the man as he was chuckling like a psycho. The man shot the nurse in the leg so she couldn’t escape, then he shot her left hand, which is the lady’s dominant hand, so she couldn’t call the cops. For the finishing move, the man curb stomped the fucking life out of her until her head was as flat as paper.

    9 years later......

    All along, this man, this psycho, escaped a mental hospital. He went on mass genocide, killing 20,000 people in just 3 years. This man is more than human, more than alien, more than god himself. It was Satan reborn.

    One day, a chicken went to the nail store. He asked the "owner" where the shampoo was. "BRO IM NOT THE FRIKKIN MANAGER!" the guy said. So the duck walked away.

    The next day he went back to the store and asked a pregnant lady why she was so fat. The lady punched him and ran away. The duck cried. Then he went to the lady's husband and said that he must be tired of being married since she punches people every day. The man punched him. The duck assumed they were the punching couple. The duck walked, and then fell in a ditch and stayed there to die. The pregnant lady and her husband were very pleased >:) muhahahahahahaha

    What is the difference between cum and milk? Nothing. They are both white and tasty.

    What's the difference between a girl eating Taco Bell and doing sex a few times? Nothing. Something always comes out.

    Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.

    You: Well, your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you don't even know how to do that.

    And your IQ is 5.

    Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.

    You: Well... your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you can't even do that.

    And your IQ is 5.

    When you put the chicken in the oven, it goes down, and the oven explodes. The oven and smoke and everything is fire and on fire and flies to the grass, and all goes back.

    Friend: Hey, let me give you a little riddle. There's a table [for] four people who are supposed to sit [at]. There is you, me, Will, Mary. In which order will they sit?

    Other friend: Uhm, you, me, Mary, and Will?

    Friend 1: Nope, guess again!

    Other friend: Okay, what about "Will you marry me?" Oh, wait...

    Friend 1: Of course!!!! :D