And jokes

Yo mama is so stupid, when she took a trip to Disneyland and a sign on the highway said “Disney left,” she went home.

Yo mama is so old, I told her to act her age, and she died.

What has 8 heads and no legs? A monster.

I’m going to be busy having dinner soon. I have internet for Christmas 🎄 and I have some Christmas.

What is black, white, and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.

Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.

What's the difference between a sack of dead babies and a Mercedes?

I don’t have a Mercedes.

A chemical store burned down, and the firefighter just stood there, but at the end, the store fire just went out by itself. But the store owner still got angry.

Store owner: Why didn't you take out the fire?

Firefighter: Yeah, but it went out by itself.

Store owner: But still, why?

Firefighter: Your chemical store sells H20.

Store owner: Oh, I get it now!

What’s an orphan’s favorite holidays? Mothers’ and Father’s Day.

Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.

Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."

Last night I was watching a Scotland Christmas movie...

And the part when Mary tells Joseph that she is pregnant, Joseph was surprised, and he exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!!!" I immediately stopped watching and changed the channel.

Orphans are human, too! They just don't know who their parents are or where! I know four sisters named Mariah, Kariah, Lariah, and Iariah and they said they are orphans, too! And they are sad and they don't like your jokes!

Orphans are human too! They have parents like all of us, so I don't know why they're saying it's fun to make fun of an orphan. Have you ever been too cold and wondered if your parents are going to have another child and not you? That's not funny! It is %9000,000 NO!!!!!!!!!!

I gave a blind man a gun and told him it was a hair dryer.

What's the difference between a guy and a woman? They fall from different heights.

When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.

Curry hits 3s, and Kobe hit 3 trees.

Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."

The sun is out, and the pedo vans are out.

Parents, keep your kids away from ice cream vans. Once they hear the sound, you'll never see your kids again!