And jokes

"Freshfry, please leave me and prince alone! I never asked you to join our chat!"

Little Johnny walked to his parents' room. They were having sex, and Little Johnny didn’t know what that was, so he said, "What are y’all doing?"

The parents replied, "Umm, r-rapping presents!"

Little Johnny said, "Okay," and then left. In the morning, Little Johnny opened his presents. His parents said, "This one is from Santa!"

Little Johnny said, "No, it’s not, y’all said y’all were rapping the presents."

The parents said, "Ohh fuck!"

Little Johnny replied, "What, Mommy and Daddy?" They replied, "Oh, nothing!" "Oh, okay," Little Johnny said. The mom whispered in the dad's ear, "At least he doesn’t know the truth."

Little Johnny said, "What truth?"

What's the difference between an orphan and a slice of pizza?

Nothing, I eat both of them.

Me: What did my sister do when she dressed up as Elsa and I gave her a balloon?

You: What?

Me: She let it go, let it go!

What is the difference between a rock and my girlfriend?

One is rock hard, and the other is Dwayne Johnson.

Kobe Bryant and 9/11 are two things I don't joke about because when I do, they tend to crash and burn.

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    • Why are vaginas and the Mariana Trench similar? Lots of seamen go missing there.

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    • How many brain cells does a pregnant blonde have?

    Two, one for her and one for the baby.

    A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.

    Why did Dairy Queen and Burger King get arrested for copyright infringement? Because they gave birth to Five Guys.

    What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.

    What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.

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    • "You're pretty, let me take you on a date!" Sike, I lied. You're ugly and fried. What you talking about?

    Little Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher said, "Okay, everyone, tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet." Johnny didn't know the alphabet, so he decided to ask his family. He walked into the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mama, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV, and he says, "Tommy, what's the second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman." So he went to his grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma, what's the third letter of the alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him, he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher comes to Johnny, she says, "Johnny, what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now," Johnny says. "Who do you think you are, young man, to talk to someone like me that way?" the teacher asks. "I'm Batman," Johnny says. The teacher whups his ass, and little Johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"

    Later that day, he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse, that he accidentally cussed at his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.

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