And jokes

Mickey Mouse went to a psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.”

The psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.”

He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”

What’s blue and comes in brownies?

Cub Scouts.

What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's?

They both like to slide their meat between 10 year old buns.

What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?

A dildo.

To all the children on this website, hello!!!!! Hey!!!! How is life treating you?

(BTW I'm a kid, too. I'm Hayley, and I'm turning 13. My B-day is 10/08/2008.)

What do your underwear and the Starship Enterprise have in common?

They are both concerned about “Klingons near your anus”.

Jack and Jill went up a hill, each with a buck and a quarter.

Jill came down, and she had two-fifty! Oh, what a whore! (Andrew Dice Clay joke.)

Saying I'm sorry and I apologize are basically the same thing... except at a funeral.

One day I was on my phone, then I got a text message from my girlfriend, "Hey, sexy boy, wanna hang out tonight if you know what I mean...?" Then I just stopped and froze. I read the message. I said, "Yeah, sure..." She replied really fast, "There's going to be a few people there, ok." But I didn't read the next message... She said, "Come right at 12:00 AM." But I didn't read it. I walked into her house, but I heard a strange noise like a moaning noise, and it sounded like HER!! So I hid behind the couch, and I looked through the open door and saw something I didn't want to see... Like for part 2 and comment if you want me to make another!!

What’s the difference between an orphan and a baseball field?

One has a home.

I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"

I have a fish that can breakdance only for 20 seconds, and he can only do it once.

"What do you do with your free time?"

"I stalk."

"Really? I enjoy walks in the park, going to the movies, and hanging out with friends."

"I know."

So, a guy and his brother were walking in the woods, and his brother said, "It's getting dark out here, can we go home?"

The man said, "I know, think how I will feel walking home tonight!"

Ebay is so useless. I tried searching up lighters, and all they had was 13,749 matches.

Parent: Have you seen your sister?

Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.

I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn't need a rope to hang.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could suck Jill’s candy.

Jack got a shock because Jill’s real name was Randy.