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And jokes

The teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make? "Mooo," said Sally. "Good job," said the teacher. "What sound does a sheep make?" "Baa," said Jack. "Good, now what sound does a pig make?" Little Johnny raised his hand really high in the sky. The teacher called on him. He said, "The pig says, 'Get on the ground and put your hands on your head, you black motherfucker.'"

So I was in the lunch room and was sitting by the peanut allergic kids' table. I stood up and I threw an opened bag of peanuts at them and yelled, "25 kill streak!" 🤣😂

What does a Hufflepuff wolf say? “I will huffle and puff, and blow your house down!”

That is related to Harry Potter 🧙🏼‍♂️.

My dog went through my bathroom garbage, and for some reason, my sister put a bunch of ketchup packets in there...

UGHHHHHHH TODAY WAS TERRIBLE! My wife got hit by a bus!!! And I lost my job as a bus driver!

"Freshfry, please leave me and prince alone! I never asked you to join our chat!"

Little Johnny walked to his parents' room. They were having sex, and Little Johnny didn’t know what that was, so he said, "What are y’all doing?"

The parents replied, "Umm, r-rapping presents!"

Little Johnny said, "Okay," and then left. In the morning, Little Johnny opened his presents. His parents said, "This one is from Santa!"

Little Johnny said, "No, it’s not, y’all said y’all were rapping the presents."

The parents said, "Ohh fuck!"

Little Johnny replied, "What, Mommy and Daddy?" They replied, "Oh, nothing!" "Oh, okay," Little Johnny said. The mom whispered in the dad's ear, "At least he doesn’t know the truth."

Little Johnny said, "What truth?"

  • 2

    • What's the difference between an orphan and a slice of pizza?

    Nothing, I eat both of them.

    Me: What did my sister do when she dressed up as Elsa and I gave her a balloon?

    You: What?

    Me: She let it go, let it go!

    What is the difference between a rock and my girlfriend?

    One is rock hard, and the other is Dwayne Johnson.

    Kobe Bryant and 9/11 are two things I don't joke about because when I do, they tend to crash and burn.

  • 4

    • How many brain cells does a pregnant blonde have?

    Two, one for her and one for the baby.

    A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.