And jokes
How do you keep a homophobic heterosexual man that is a minister and a Christian nationalist with blond hair in suspense?
Wait until Christmas to take away his church's tax-exempt status or he will call the ACLU.
🤔 ❓ How do lesbians 😳 practice safe 🙏 sex they put condoms on dildos and then they put dildos inside of their 👄 👄 👄 mouths and then they perform fellatio on them
My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.
I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."
What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.
I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.
Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!
Last night I had the strangest dream!
I sailed away to China!
And I caught the coronavirus!
You said you needed to wash your hands!
Didn't want no one else to touch you! What does that mean?!
And you said!!
Ain't nothing gonna break my lungs 😤!
Ain't no way of slowing Covid down!
Oh no I've got to keep on coughing!!!
Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.
What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!
What is the difference between a dead baby and an orphan?
The dead baby happened on purpose while the orphan came out as an accident!
How can you make an Otter Pop become funny?
Take your shotgun and make an otter go "pop!"
Yo momma's so short that she fell off the toilet and broke her leg.
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
I never knew what my dad's job was.
One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"
My dad answered...
What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?
"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."
A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.
“Super Power Beer,” he says.
“Oh, yeah? I doubt it?”
Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, and lands with no damage whatsoever. He walks back into the bar.
“Amazing!” the man says. “Let me have some!” The man grabs the beer. He drinks it, jumps off the roof — and falls 15 stories to the ground.
Splat.
The barman says. “You know, you’re a real idiot when you’re drunk, Superman.”
A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."
The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"
My wife left a note on the fridge. The note read, "It's not working." I don't know what she's talking about. I opened the fridge, and it worked fine!
Whoever is an orphan and wants these to go, or if you just want them to go away, comment down below, or if you can't comment, give it a thumbs up!