And jokes
What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A dead goldfish.
"Freshfry, please leave me and prince alone! I never asked you to join our chat!"
Little Johnny walked to his parents' room. They were having sex, and Little Johnny didn’t know what that was, so he said, "What are y’all doing?"
The parents replied, "Umm, r-rapping presents!"
Little Johnny said, "Okay," and then left. In the morning, Little Johnny opened his presents. His parents said, "This one is from Santa!"
Little Johnny said, "No, it’s not, y’all said y’all were rapping the presents."
The parents said, "Ohh fuck!"
Little Johnny replied, "What, Mommy and Daddy?" They replied, "Oh, nothing!" "Oh, okay," Little Johnny said. The mom whispered in the dad's ear, "At least he doesn’t know the truth."
Little Johnny said, "What truth?"
What's the difference between an orphan and a slice of pizza?
Nothing, I eat both of them.
My hair is blue, and I'm blue!
Me: What did my sister do when she dressed up as Elsa and I gave her a balloon?
You: What?
Me: She let it go, let it go!
What is the difference between a rock and my girlfriend?
One is rock hard, and the other is Dwayne Johnson.
Kobe Bryant and 9/11 are two things I don't joke about because when I do, they tend to crash and burn.
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
140 calories.
Why are vaginas and the Mariana Trench similar? Lots of seamen go missing there.
How many brain cells does a pregnant blonde have?
Two, one for her and one for the baby.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
120 pounds.
Why did Dairy Queen and Burger King get arrested for copyright infringement? Because they gave birth to Five Guys.
What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.
My friend, what's up?
Me: What's up in space is planets and stars.
What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.
"You're pretty, let me take you on a date!" Sike, I lied. You're ugly and fried. What you talking about?