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And jokes

A man goes to a motel room and sees a woman tied up and she said, "Help me please!" He had to do some forceful thinking.

An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrament.

The person living there points and says, "Begone, foul blood-drinker!"

And promptly the preacher bursts into flames, leaving nothing but ash.

Yo mama so stupid, she shoved two AA batteries up her ass and started singing, "I’ve Got The Power!"

Little Johnny was at home and then he went to his grandma's house. He went there to cuss so he wouldn't get in trouble, and secretly, Grandma called his momma to come pick him up.

Momma asked what Little Johnny did, and she said he cussed and cussed and cussed. Granny had enough and called Mom again. Momma said Little Johnny was grounded for 2 weeks, and Little Johnny cussed some more. Now he grounded for 3 weeks.

Driver's License-By- watersharky Music Productions and Olivia Rodrigo-

I got my driver's license last week Just like we always talked about 'Cause you were so excited for me To finally drive up to your house But today I drove through the suburbs Crying 'cause you weren't around And you're probably with that blonde girl Who always made me doubt She's so much older than me She's everything I'm insecure about Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs 'Cause how could I ever love someone else? And I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street And all my friends are tired Of hearing how much I miss you, but I kinda feel sorry for them 'Cause they'll never know you the way that I do, yeah Today I drove through the suburbs And pictured I was driving home to you And I know we weren't perfect But I've never felt this way for no one, oh And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay, now that I'm gone I guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street Red lights, stop signs I still see your face in the white cars, front yards Can't drive past the places we used to go to 'Cause I still fuckin' love you, babe (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh) Sidewalks we crossed I still hear your voice in the traffic, we're laughing Over all the noise God, I'm so blue, know we're through But I still fuckin' love you, babe (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh) I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay, now that I'm gone 'Cause you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street Yeah, you said forever, now I drive alone past your street...

What do Philippe Petit and New York citizens have in common?

They both walk(ed) over the Twin Towers.

I lost my black friend in the shadows. I lost my white friend on the wall. I lost my Asian friend in the sand and I lost my Islamic friend in the bombings.

So I got my sister shampoo for her birthday, and she stood there and threw her wig on the floor.

What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.

Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.

What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.

What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.

My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.

What is hell to you?

Jesus!!!!!

He is everywhere taking our time and energy and our lives for his entertainment.

But Judgment Day is his eternal hell!

And our Eternal Heaven!!

What’s the difference between Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker?

They both died at 95.

Jack and Jill went up the hill, each with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with $2.50, that fuckin' whore.

Some weird kid came into school today with his tagging gun. He tagged my friend really good. At the end, he tagged 12 students and 1 teacher. VICTORY ROAYAL ✌

When the school shooter starts doing Fortnite dances and the autistic kid joins in.