And jokes
So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.
"Let it go, LET IT GO!" Blah blah blah whatever the rest of the song says dun dun blah blah blah my mom never bothered me anyway.
I'm bored đ´ so that's why I sang in my wonderful voice for a few seconds and wasted your time.
The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."
The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
Whatâs the difference between a suicide bomber and a feminist? A suicide bomber actually does something when triggered.
What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I donât care if she has one.
Whatâs yellow and canât swim? A bus full of children.
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
Whatâs similar between a pregnant 12 year old and the fetus inside of her?
Theyâre both thinking, âOh, shit, my mumâs gonna kill me!â
A blind man walked into a fish market and said... "Hello, ladies!"
What's the difference between a bad joke and an actually bad joke?
An actually bad joke is not funny, like this one!
What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
What's the difference between family and cats...
Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.
When I was very young...
My classmates played a game called kiss chase. Some were really good at catching the girls and then kissing them.
They are rapists now.
Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.
Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.
Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.
Your momma is so fat, she was in a movie and the screen broke!
Why are you sitting down to pee? I don't have a good back and can't lift something big.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair and guess who came crawling back!
Whatâs the difference between me and grass? Grass doesnât cut itself.