And jokes
Why were the twin towers actually twins?
Their birth and death date are the same!
Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"
A girl asked her mom, "Why is my name Walmart?"
Her dad replied and said, "Because that’s where you were made."
What's the difference between you and me?
I have a plan for this new year.
So long, suckers. Keep scrolling.
My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.
I was lying on the bed the other night and my missus was playing with my cock, trying to get it to go hard. She asked me what's the matter? I said, "I just don't find women without hair very attractive."
My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."
I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."
What has ten children crying, naked, and screaming for their parents?
My big green pedo machine.
I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!
What has 2 wheels and screams? A disabled [person] I dropkicked down the stairs.
My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death. I clearly asked for Jammy Dodgers and got Bourbons!
What is saw and bleeding and covered in bruises?
Your mum.
What has 15 arms, 9 legs, 8 heads, and 12 eyeballs?
A mosque after a missile strike.
I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. 🤣
A teacher walked up to me and said, "How did we get butt cracks?"
I was like 4, so I said, "You had an earthquake on your booty."
Bootylicious lol
A butt saw the toilet and said, "Shit, I'm sick!"
What does a priest and a male homosexual have in common?
They both like to suck a big cock inside the men's locker room at the gym.
A handicapped person and an orphan get into a fight. The orphan says, "At least I have two functional legs." The handicapped person says, "At least I have two functional parents."
What do an X-Box and Michael Jackson have in common? They're both made of plastic and little kids turn them on.
A man runs into a church and shouts, "Are there any dwarf nuns in the monastery?" The Pope said no, causing the man to say to his friend, "I told you you fucked a penguin!"