And jokes

How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true, and then the person is a victim for sure.

What starts with a "v" and ends with a "k"? A veggie Karen.

You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.

You guys know the notes A Minor and D? I really like putting D in A Minor!

Son: Dad, I'm gay.

Dad: I support you.

Son: I like you.

Dad: Get out and into my room!

I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I see you, I throw up.

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine! Lol.

Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?

"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."

Mommy, Mommy! Are we dragons?

Shut up and don’t breathe on the drapes.

Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?

"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."

Why do orphans hate Cocomelon?

Because his mom and dad are in every episode!

Mommy, mommy! Are we drug dealers?

Shut up and cut the coke.

When the teacher says she'll call your parents but you're an orphan.

Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?

Shut up and keep sewing!

"Mommy, mommy! Are we janitors?"

"Shut up and pass me the mop."

Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?

Shut up and pass me the note.

Mommy, Mommy! Are we werewolves?

Shut up and comb your face.

Mommy, Mommy! Are we vampires?

Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!

My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.

A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.

What don't Rick Astley and the Twin Towers have in common?

One won't let you down, while the other will.