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And jokes

I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.

Bully: You're a loser and fat.

Me: Shut up. The camera thought you were a house.

Look for the Gummy Bear album in stores on November 13th, with lots of music, videos, and extras!

What is the difference between a suicidal person and you?

None, you are both dead on the inside. Lol.

Charlene's hairline was so far back that she was practically bald and fat.

Billy: Hey kid, why are you sad?

Orphan: Oh, I'm waiting for my parents.

Billy: Oh, and how long have you been here?

Orphan: About 200 years.

Chrome turns you into chrome, but there is a chrome back bling, and it does nothing to you.

Bro, the Twin Towers are like my grandpa and his friends. One survived—my grandpa. The others have fallen—his friends.

I gave my sister a compliment and said she's pretty, then while she was saying thanks, I said, "pretty ugly."

Me: You are pretty. Her: Thanks. Me: Pretty ugly.

I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.

A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"

I got in trouble today because I threw a lamp at the emo kid and said, "Lighten up!"

"Hey, I heard you were a bit down—where's John?"

"He died."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I got you food."

(After they eat) "Hey, how did John taste seasoned and cooked?"

What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.

I went to Starbucks today and they asked what I wanted, and I replied with "to die, a shot of bleach, and an deppresso expresso."