And jokes
Get a calculator.
Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.
What’s the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.
What do the Twin Towers and my ex have in common?
They both fell on my dad.
Last night little Johnny went to his room and saw people hanging out there, little balls.
What do you get when you cross a lesbian and a platypus? I lick a lot of pussy.
Your forehead is so big, I took a picture of it last Christmas, and it’s still printing.
What do you call a kid with an eyepatch and no arms or legs? Names.
The cheetah and lion are racing. The cheetah wins.
The lion says, "Man, you a cheetah."
The cheetah says, "Nah, you lion!"
Why did you and Sarah break up?
'Cause she cheetahed on me.
Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.
Obv, unless you share your residence.
I pushed an orphan and they said, "I'm telling!" I asked, "Telling who? Your parents?"
My brother apparently has this thing called "asthma". Anyway, I took his vape away today, and he was lying on the floor gasping for air, lol. He must really be addicted to it.
What do vacuums and your mom have in common?
They both suck.
People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.
Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.
Why does an orphan's year only have 363 days? Because it's missing Mother's and Father's Day.
I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.
Doctor: Oh, I see.
Me: Ahhhh!!!!!
Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.
Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"
Trump: "Screw the women and children!"
Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
The 9/11 and the Spanish flu are kind of similar.
The Spanish flu was a very dangerous flu, and in 9/11, something very dangerous flew.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.