And jokes

Add joke

What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?

They both make a sound when thrown.

You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?

A lot of things.

Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.

If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).

I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.

Guess who likes vegetables now?

When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”

What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?

In the U.K., it's a swear word.

In America, it's a family reunion.

A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."

Want to know how a joke becomes a dad joke? Just wait for it to leave you and never come back.

What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?

Both are lying when they say "I'm a real boy."

(I'm a trans man myself lol)

I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.

But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"

So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4, and he started crying. What's he gonna do? Tell his family? XD

I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.

Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.

Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.

What do ninjas and depressed people have in common?

They're always cutting.