And jokes

I have fun going on them roller coasters that go really high up and sitting by random people, and once we get to the high point, I look at the stranger and go "wham" and unplug their seat belt.

So there was a school shooting in Florida. Why didn't the shooter just go to Disney?.......sorry, I just work there and I'm trying to get people to come on down.

So this guy thought he was funny by pissing on the floor and not in the urinal.

Later on, I guess some kid ran into the bathroom because, well, he probably had to go, but yeah, he slipped and fell and hit his head on the urinal, so all in all it was a pretty good prank on his part.

He asked for a shot of beer?

He got shot and killed.

Two skeleton brothers are talking.

1st bro: "Hey, get up! You and do some exercise! You are so heavy, you weigh a ton!"

2nd bro: "A skele-TON :)"

Yo mama is so stupid, she shoved two double A batteries up her butt and said, “I’ve got the power!”

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.

What objects have the most gravitational force?

A Lambo and a gold digger.

What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

Snowballs.

What do a pedophile and a clock have in common? Neither of them go past 12.

What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?

Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.

Q: What’s the difference between a priest and McDonald’s?

A: Nothing! They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.

What is the similarity between a joke and food?

Some people just don't get them!

What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉

What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.

What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.

So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?

And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.

This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"

"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"

Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."

How do Asians name their kids? They drop spoons and forks down the stairs. Chin Chan Chon.

A little boy went to church. The priest said, "Get in the following positions: stand, then kneel, then bow." The little boy replies, "Can you hurry up and f**k me already?"