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And jokes

What's tall, has a twin, and is in Manhattan?

Nothing, Bin Laden destroyed them all.

Will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today!

Beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that!

Will: Yey!

Beverly: What should we bring him?

Will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* Come in the bucket!

There was this intern that worked at an orphanage, and she burnt it down. Luckily, she doesn't have to tell her parents.

How are a gay guy and a refrigerator different?

When you pull the meat out of the refrigerator, it doesn’t fart.

I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.

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    • Both man and woman have balls, but they like to play with the ball of each other because a person always loves what they don't have. 😁

    Steven Hawking's Sesh Cave, entry 50p, guaranteed Budweiser and ecstasy. Maybe a gram of heroin. You'll most likely see a mental 90-year-old guy absolutely going mental on the dance floor with a Stella in one hand and another on his crotch.

    How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.

    What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?

    AIDS.

    Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,

    One fell off and bumped his head.

    The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...

    “We’re calling Child Protective Services.”

    Superman was bored and wanted to go out. He called all his super friends, but they were all busy. He even calls Louis, but it's her time of the month.

    He flies to the liquor store and buys some beer and gets drunk. As he is flying, he sees Wonder Woman naked on top of the roof. He starts thinking, "I will fly down and have sex with her sooooo fast," BURP, "that she won't know what happened," HICKUP.

    He flies to her faster than the speed of light, BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG, and flies away with a smile. He passes out and crashed into a wall.

    Wonder Woman jumps up and screams, "WHAT WAS THAT?"

    The Invisible Man appears, holding his butt, and he gets off on Wonder Woman and says, "I don't know, but my butt hurts real bad."

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    • Three guys landed on a cannibal island. The cannibal chef told them if they wanted to live, they had to go get 10 of one fruit and bring it to him, and he would tell them what to do.

    So the first guy brings 10 apples, and the chef said if he could shove all 10 of those in his ass without making a sound, he could live. He was three apples in and made a sound, and they ate him. The second guy brought grapes; nine grapes in, and he burst out laughing. The cannibals ate him. Then the first guy said, "Why'd you laugh? You were almost there!" The other guy who had the grapes said, "I couldn't help it, I was told the third guy came back with 10 pineapples."

    If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?

    10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.

    I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.

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    • The teacher of the ELA class said that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next to the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he said, "Me, I'm going home." Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and said, "At the end of this ruler is an idiot," he got suspended for asking which end.

    How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

    None, they just arrest the lightbulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.

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