All jokes
I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.
You must be rich! You've got all the cashews.
Hitler isn’t really a bad guy, after all, he did kill Hitler himself.
Did you hear about Alicia's car accident?
She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dragon.
Dragon deez nuts.
Dragon deez nuts who?
DRAGON DEEZ NUTS ALL OVER YOUR FACE!
What did the emo say to the popular kid?
"Go fuck yourself for thinking all emos cut because they don't... y'know, for a matter of fact, fuck all you guys..."
Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.
All go gansta until the two towers fall down on you.
What constellation has no hair at all?
Cancer.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
Why did the priest buy a clown suit?
Because the old one had blood all over it.
You know how all zodiacs have hairstyles... well not Cancers.
Why do orphans love chips?
Because they're all family sized.
Pennywise: "They all float down here!"
Titanic: *hold my beer*
On the day of 9/11, the WTC's ordered cheese and pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
When your mom says it will all be ok if you just......... *there is blood on the floor*
Roses are red, pussies are wet, when it goes in he gets upset. She said it's too small, so that's all. But later that day, he wanted to say, "Every time I play, no one complains, so she was just lying." She started flying, went out of her seat, the skirt went up, the greatest of them all. Everyone said, "Fly away big chunky balls."
How did the guys with Down syndrome split the dinner bill? They all made a down payment.
One day I caught my sister talking to my girlfriend, and she said, "You never told me you're lesbian." I said, "No, not at all." My girlfriend asked, "Why did you not tell her?" and I said, "Because every time I bring a girl home, I hear too much noise in her room, and I never get the chance to kiss them because she's cleaning the trash." She said, "Yeah, the trash is her junk."
What do you call a group of Indians that eat curry all the time?
The Munch Bunch.