Wade

Registered on 9/21/2023 · 105 followers · Last active 6 months ago

There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead.

Matt, "Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife"

Priest, "how so?"

Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything just rubbed each other, that's all"

Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box"

Matt, "okay i promise not to see her again"

Then Matt walks out the door

Priest, "Hey I saw you! you didn't put any money in the donation box!!"

Matt, "Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in"

Say what you want about Pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.

What takes knowledge to do and also takes knowledge away? Looking down the barrel and pulling the trigger

What gun isn’t allowed in Africa? A water gun.

If you're American outside the restroom, what are you in the restroom?

European.

What are you on your way to the bathroom?

Russian

I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other

Person 1: “You assume I’m gay because I have rainbow hair, I’m wearing a rainbow shirt, and I have a rainbow pride flag behind me?”

Person 2: “You assume I’m disabled because I have deformed arms and limbs, no legs, and I ride around in a wheelchair?”

What’s long, green, and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog’s fingers

We got Spider-Man Homecoming, Spider-Man Far from Home, then Spider-Man No Way Home, considering society’s current state and how shitty 2023 is, the next movie is probably gonna be Spider-Man Homosexual.