Beer Bottle: “You break me, you get one year of bad luck!”
Mirror: “You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!”
Condom: “Hahaha...”
Wade ツ
He's on top of you! He's going in through the back! OH GOD, HE'S INSIDE!
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?
To see who's hanging around.
Arik? (Not a joke)
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.
So, gender equality is the a woman can do anything a man can right? That they should be treated the same? So therefore if she swings on me, I could punch her into the twin towers because of gender equality. I love gender equality.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Who am I rooting for during the Superbowl? Easy. Taylor Swift
Gays: I like men
Strait: I like women
Bisexual: a hole is a hole
One day a kid walks up to there mom and asks whey is my name daisy? The mom's reply is because when you were born a daisy landed on your head. The second kid asks why is my name butterfly? The mom's reply is because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head. Then you hear ooooooooohahbfisbfsdkf. Shut up brick!
Boy goes to Confession Boy: "What are you doing father?” Priest: "Its called masturbation and soon you will be doing it.” Boy "Why do you say that father?” Priest "Cause my hand is getting tired..”
I told the emo girl that I bet she’s jealous of the hanging lights in the gym.
There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead.
Matt, "Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife"
Priest, "how so?"
Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything just rubbed each other, that's all"
Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box"
Matt, "okay i promise not to see her again"
Then Matt walks out the door
Priest, "Hey I saw you! you didn't put any money in the donation box!!"
Matt, "Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in"
Say what you want about Pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.
What takes knowledge to do and also takes knowledge away? Looking down the barrel and pulling the trigger
What gun isn’t allowed in Africa? A Watergun.
If you're American outside the restroom, what are you in the restroom?
European.
What are you on your way to the bathroom?
Russian
I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other
Person 1: “You assume I’m gay because I have rainbow hair, I’m wearing a rainbow shirt, and I have a rainbow pride flag behind me?”
Person 2: “You assume I’m disabled because I have deformed arms and limbs, no legs, and I ride around in a wheelchair?”
