If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.
Shower thoughts
@showerthoughts
What Disney movie does the church make little girls watch?
Snow White and the Seven Deadly Sins.
What is the definition of suspicion? A: A nun doing squats in a cucumber field.
Did you know that good Catholic girls like to WAP?
Yeah, they are all about Worship and Prayer.
What do you get when you cross a Chinese and an Indian man? A car thief who can't drive.
What do you get when you cross a Chinese and an Indian man?
A car thief who can't drive.
If Eve sacrificed the human race for an apple, what would she do for a Klondike bar?
What do you call a terrorist attack in Iraq? A selfie!
How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic? They keep falling off the wagon.
When should you discourage your husband from exercising and dieting? When he wants to fit in your clothes!
Why did Bruce Jenner cross the road?
To see how the other side felt!
Someone told me I looked gay today. I told him that my clothes just came out of the closet this morning.
What do you call a party with 100 midgets? A little get together.
Why does no one die a virgin? Cause life fucks us all.
What is it you can give at Christmas and still keep? Herpes.
Why can't you play Uno with a Mexican? Because they'll steal all the green cards.
My lesbian friends bought me a gold timepiece for my birthday.
But, I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch!"
What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
Your job still sucks!
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
Q: Why is marriage not a word?
It's a life sentence!