I never forget my grandpa's last words.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
Shower thoughts
What is George Floyd’s best pick up line?
"You're breathtaking."
What do you call a lesbian with braces? A box cutter
I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
Why can't Jesus judge gay people?
He got nailed right before he died.
They say you should love your neighbor. Does that mean I have to love the president?
They say there is strength in numbers. Tell that to the people in the World Trade Center.
How are corpses like pools?
Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.
Do you know why they call me battery saver?
I get turned on when it’s below 10%.
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.
What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?
Usain finished the races.
Why do you Scotchmen wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
What is the difference between your dad and a video game?
Your dad doesn’t beat you.
What is a terrorist's first move in chess?
C4.
Did you hear about that Muslim party?
It was a blast!
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
What does a priest and Christmas tree have in common? The balls are just for decoration.
What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?
Eight dead people.