Shower thoughts

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What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.

How does the cop respond to being called racist?

He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."

What does Can do after eating its vegetables?

Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.

I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.

My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"

When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"

How are Black people like communism?

Because they’ll never work, but some of them are willing to give it a shot.