Shower thoughts

A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.

The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"

The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."

The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"

The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."

At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."

The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."

What’s a German’s favorite drink? Orange Jews. Hundred percent concentrated.

If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.

Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"

Donald Trump took the bullet better than Joe Biden took the stairs.

Do you think when the Secret Service heard the gunshot they were like, "Donald Duck"?

My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? AIDS

I lost my virginity to a girl with down syndrome. I wanted my first time to be special.

What do you call it when a gorilla bumps uglies with a orangutan Monkeypox

What do you call it when a gorilla bumps uglies with an orangutan?

Monkeypox.

I really used to be into emo chicks. Now they just don't make the cut.

Is it OK to tell a Covid patient to stay positive?

How do you win an argument against a emo? kick the chair.

What do you call an emo strip club?

Suicidal Thots

what happens when the president turns emo? the great depression

What is the best way to kill a special ed kid?

Call them retarded.

I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!

How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?

Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.

My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.

She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.