Shower thoughts

I told a joke about miscarriage to a group of women, but none of them laughed.

I guess it was a bad delivery.

I told a joke about miscarriage to a group of women, but none of them laughed.

I guess it was a bad delivery.

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific, so I said,

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?

So we can think about a solution in silence.

What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?

A human chandelier.

I think we should change Alzheimer’s disease to Joe Biden disease.

They say there is power in numbers.

Tell that to the people in the Twin Towers.

Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"

Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."

Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."

Guy: "About that..."

I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?

What do you call a fat transgender midget?

Jigglypuff.

What do you call a fat midget?

Jigglypuff.

I’d make fun of transgender women, but that’s low hanging fruit.

My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side.

So I crashed the car.

My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side.

So I crashed the car.

A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.

The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.

The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"

The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"

My wife told me to stop being an idiot.

I told her, "Which one do you want?"

My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.

What a weird way to start a conversation!

If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 10-hour Energy?

If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 2.5-hour Energy?

I don't always like to tell dwarf jokes, but when I do, I like to keep them short.