One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."
Shower thoughts
@showerthoughts
Scientists say a banana a day is great for the colon.
But you gotta eat it!
My wife said I have no sense of direction.
I said, "Where did that come from?"
What do Drew Bledsoe and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both got taken out by two jets.
The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them mommy or daddy
Yesterday I was fucking my sister and she said' you fuck a lot like dad I said "really mum said that too."
I was blessed with a 9 inch penis the priest is in jail now.
What do sexists and WNBA fans have in common?
There's enough of them to acknowledge their existence.
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon
What do a shopping cart and a wheel chair have in common... they both carry vegetables
What is the difference between a rapist and a dictionary? One of them knows the definition of no.
What did the rapist say to his victim. Go ahead call the police we will see who comes first.
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar.
He orders a beer.
Why'd Biden get fired from the supermarket?
He kept telling little kids they smell like freshly baked bread.
What does Cangaball do after eating its vegetables?
Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels."
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
Don't be racist! BE LIKE MARIO!
He's an Italian plumber Created by the Japanese Who speaks English And looks like a Mexican Jumps like a black man And grabs coins like a Jew
What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.
I like my wine like my women:
16 and in my basement.