I like my women like I like my wine. 16 and locked in my in a basement.
Shower thoughts
Me walking in to the office: Principle: tell me what u did? Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this yea
My friend and I were at the mall, and decided to try on some necklaces. He said l think you should get the one over there, I do, I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it, I asked him did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedophile have in common? Are you ready kids?
White people cant jump”.... “You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11”
What does Michael Jackson and caviar so much in common? They both come on little white crackers
The fourth month (Symbolizing 41%) on the first day, transgenders mourn for the trans suicides That day is called "April Fool's"
I added Paul walker on Xbox...
But he spends all his time on the dashboard
Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u
Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her)
When Chris brown herd he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman
Stop the cap
Women have ass and tits... but men have dick and
Rights
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer? Freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you already done told her twice
Whats another name for cumming inside woman? Loading the dishwasher
Toast is like parents
If they are both black, you have nothing to eat
I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help. Later that week I ran into them on the dance floor, one of them asked me if I wanted to dance I told her no, the other asked me if I knew what was cracking, I calmly said the floor.
When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank* She has cancer
How do you punish a blind person
Hand them a gun, and tell them it’s a hairdryer.