What movie do orphans relate to the most?
Spider-Man: No Way Home
Shower thoughts
What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?
None. Neither can see their parents.
Why did the emo swallow an alarm clock? So he could wake up inside
What did the blind kid say after touching the emo kid’s hand? “I ain’t reading all that.”
What’s an Emo’s favorite exercise? The dead hang.
Why do emo kids cost so much? Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.
What’s the hardest part about being a pedophile? Fitting in.
Why do Arabs hate chess? Because the queen is allowed to move freely.
What does a cop say when they shoot ginger? Orange is the new black
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
An old professor’s class used, to begin with, a dirty joke. Following one particularly vulgar joke, the girls in the class decided to walk out the next time he began. When the professor learned of this planned protest, he came in the next morning and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear about the scarcity of wh*res in Newfoundland?” With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door. “Wait, ladies,” called the professor, “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”
What’s the difference between Disney+ and P*rnhub?
Disney+ wants you to hate your stepmother.
If having sex for money makes you a wh*re, then what does having sex for free make you?
Non-profit wh*reganisation.
Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane? It scares the shit out of her dog.
What is the most awkward moment when Helen Keller is playing Pin the tail on the donkey? Her friends aren’t sure whether to blindfold her.
What was the scariest thing Helen Keller ever read? The waffle iron.
One way to not pick up girl is to say, “are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you.” I tried it on a girl and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
Knock, knock. (Who’s there?) 9/11. (9/11 who?) [pause] You said you’d never forget.
Knock, knock. (Whose there?) Bill Cosby. (Bill Cosby who?) Never mind, I’ll come back when you’re sleeping.
What’s worse than George Bush doing 9/11? Jeffrey Epstein doing nine Elevens.