Knock, knock. (Who’s there?) Little boy blue. (Little boy blue who?) Michael Jackson.
Shower thoughts
Why does a queen have more mobility than the king in chess?
Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.
A young cowboy entered a seedy cafe in a small West Texas town. He sat at the counter and spotted an elderly cowboy with his arms folded and his gaze fixed on a bowl of chili. After roughly 15 minutes of staring at it, the young cowboy boldly inquired, “If you’re not going to eat it, do you mind if I do?” Slowly turning his head toward the young wrangler, the older cowboy muttered, in his best cowboy voice, “Nah. Go ahead.” The young cowboy eagerly reached over and slid the bowl over to his spot, spooning it in with glee. He was almost to the bottom when he noticed a rotten dead rat in the chili. The sight was shocking and he immediately upchucked the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly said, “Yep, that’s as far as I got, too...”
What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common? Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”
Grandma: most people your age, have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?
Grandchild: most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?
How do you know you’re ugly? If you always get handed the camera for group photos.
What’s better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics
not being retarded
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?
They already lost two towers.
Man: Doctor where are you taking me Doctor: to the morgue Man: but I’m not dead yet Doctor: are we there yet
I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other
Jokes about ISIS are all about the execution.
How do you know someone has Down syndrome?
they’re doing better than you
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
Why are gay guys so rude
Because they’re fucking assholes
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap
Why is the white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
Because the white guy actually did it.
What’s the difference between cancer and my brother
My brother didn’t beat cancer
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Your uncle.
How do you blindfold a woman?
Put a windshield in front of them.
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.