My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":
Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.
Shower thoughts
I recently learned that it's politically incorrect to talk about taking part in a school shooting.
Apparently the term "school photos" is more acceptable.
I recently learned that it's politically incorrect to talk about taking part in a school shooting.
Apparently the term "school photos" is more acceptable.
Why is the Z the only politically correct letter?
Because all the other letters are not Z's.
A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.
You need to be a complete dick.
What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."
You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"
NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?
'Cause it's a place to eat.
I told a joke about miscarriage to a group of women, but none of them laughed.
I guess it was a bad delivery.
I told a joke about miscarriage to a group of women, but none of them laughed.
I guess it was a bad delivery.
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.
What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?
A human chandelier.
I think we should change Alzheimer’s disease to Joe Biden disease.
They say there is power in numbers.
Tell that to the people in the Twin Towers.
Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"
Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."
Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."
Guy: "About that..."
I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?
What do you call a fat transgender midget?
Jigglypuff.
What do you call a fat midget?
Jigglypuff.
I’d make fun of transgender women, but that’s low hanging fruit.