So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work
Shower thoughts
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you already done told her twice
Whats another name for cumming inside woman? Loading the dishwasher
Toast is like parents
If they are both black, you have nothing to eat
I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help. Later that week I ran into them on the dance floor, one of them asked me if I wanted to dance I told her no, the other asked me if I knew what was cracking, I calmly said the floor.
When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank* She has cancer
How do you punish a blind person
Hand them a gun, and tell them it’s a hairdryer.
went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man." I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
It's always the little things that makes us laugh
When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A
Why do women get periods?
just cancel the subscription
What’s the difference between a feminist and a school shooter
A school shooter actually makes an impact on its targets
Why do orphans only have 363 days?
They don’t have Mother’s Day or Father’s Day
How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?
They flip it over
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
Dad- Son do you want to play roc’ ‘‘em soc robots?
Son- sure, let me get it from the closet
Dad- No, bring your sisters, just like the game, they can’t move their legs.
Why don’t old people have sex
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old
Is it incent if it’s out the open
Or is it...outcent
Q: How many men does it take to open up a beer? A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
Why did the woman cross the road?
What’s she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?