I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome.
I want my first time to be special.
Shower thoughts
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?
He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.
What is the best part about Alabama prostitutes?
Family comes first.
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common They both get laid by Mexicans
How do you get a white girl to suck your dick?
Put ranch dressing on it.
What was Hitler's favorite thing to do to pass the time?
Smoking.
What is the most common crime in Asia?
Identity fraud.
What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?
They’re both in my bed.
In 2011, Stephen Hawking said there is no God. In 2018, God said there is no Steve Hawking.
What were the emo kid's pronouns?
Was/were.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?
A kinder surprise
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."
What do you call an emo kid with light-up shoes? A human chandelier.
You know my first name, but don’t worry about it; you’ll only be screaming my first.
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Well, probably the person in front of them.
I don’t know why people don’t say "Cobain," because I’m pretty sure Kurt Cobain didn’t miss his last shot like Kobe did.
What’s the difference between rape and marriage
With marriage you get to keep the screaming woman