My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
GG Miller
If you're that depressed, reach out to someone. And remember, suicide is a permanent solution.
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.
Why did the computer catch cold? It left a window open.
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.
What do you call a rude cow? Beef jerky.
Did you hear about the guy who afraid of hurdles? He got over it.
What did the tree say when spring finally arrived? What a re-leaf
What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap music.
"I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now."
Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? - Everywhere.
Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.
Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
What’s the different between a cat and a comma? A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.
A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!” The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you ...”
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage.