Roses are red, Violets are blue, I thought Shrek was ugly, until I saw you.
GG Miller
@ggmiller
If you're feeling depressed, reach out to someone. And remember, suicide is a permanent solution.
Every time someone calls me fat, I get so depressed I cut myself... a piece of cake.
You have two parts of [your] brain, "left" and "right". In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.
I might slide up to your block with intelligence. I'm a genius with a glock. There's some relevance. Took his chain, took his rocks. Took his sediments. There's no cap inside my speech. No impediments.
Putting numbers on the board, I use my calculator. Put a opp below the floor, he's a denominator. E = mc2, you didn't notice that? Had the shot, but he's too scared. Why didn't he buss it back?
You're so ugly, you made Hello Kitty say, "Goodbye."
I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.
When your friends [are] talking about sports:
Jake says, "It was 17.56M people watching [the] basketball championship."🦁
Sam says, "It was 113M people watching the Super Bowl." 😯🐱
Avion says, "It was up from 1.12 billion people watching [the] World Cup." 😶🙀
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it?
Math riddle: If I have 12 bottles of wine in one hand, and 9 in the other, what do I have?
What can you catch, but not throw?
What do people use more than you that is yours?
If you’ve got me, you want to share me; if you share me, you haven’t kept me. What am I?
I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest person can’t hold me for five minutes. What am I?
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
What is always in front of you but can’t be seen?
I’m tall when I’m young, and I’m short when I’m old. What am I?
College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you, or they'll send your kid back.
When people say they get ho's: You don't get no ho's, the only ho's you get is in yo draws.