I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
GG Miller
If you're that depressed, reach out to someone. And remember, suicide is a permanent solution.
I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Smoking will kill you.
Bacon will kill you.
But, smoking bacon will cure it!
Two wrongs don't make a right. Take your parents as an example.
Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"
Student: "A drinking problem."
What has a head, a tail, but no body?
Jake: Can I go outside?
Mom: Did you clean your room?
Jake: No.
Mom: Then f*ck no.
Jake: Alright, bet.
(Brother named No)
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.
Why did the dinosaur take a bath?
So it can get ex-stinked!
Yo momma's armpits are so hairy, it looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock.
You're so skinny, you can hula-hoop with Fruit Loops!
You're so skinny, you swallowed a meatball and thought you were pregnant!
You're so skinny that you use Chapstick as deodorant.
You're so skinny, your mom actually enjoyed your birth!
You're so skinny, when you did your first jump on a pogo stick you would never come back.
You're so skinny that if I were to put you on a flagpole, you would wave in the wind.
You're so skinny, starving Ethiopians offer you food!